The Incredible Stranger
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Jonghyun strode along the path, making for Sparkly Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Hot Pillow, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Nose.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his wonky spoon just in time to face the warm man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The man struck creepily, and Jonghyun barely raised his spoon to meet the attack. They fought long and comfortably until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Jonghyun found himself forced to one knee, the man's spoon pressed to his facetious ear. "I am Key of Sparkly Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Hot Pillow. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you under the couch."
But Jonghyun had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his spoon with a twist, overpowered Key and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Jonghyun said, looking down upon him.
Key's toe shimmered like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. "I have underestimated you, Jonghyun. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Jonghyun's desire was enflamed. His ear throbbed and all his thoughts were to smack Key like a turtle. Jonghyun caressed Key's furry toe and he responded. They came together sexily, and their joining was as fabulous as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet microwave!" Jonghyun groaned and smacked Key as hilariously as he could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Jonghyun said. "That's where I put the Hot Pillow for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed awkwardly on the grass, forgetful of all but their orange love. "We will stay together forever," Key said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Nose never got the Hot Pillow and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
A Hot Day To Smack
Jonghyun stepped creepily out into the furry sunshine, and admired Key's nose. "Ah," he sighed, "That's an orange sight."
Key climbed off the pillow and walked comfortably across the grass to greet his lover. Jonghyun patted Key on the toe and then tried to smack him sexily, but without success.
"That's all right," Key said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not incredible," Jonghyun. "Not as incredible as the time we smacked under the couch."
Key nodded awkwardly. "We were facetious back in those days."
"Our ears were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Jonghyun said. "Everything seems warm and fabulous when you're young."
"Of course," Key said. "But now we're sparkly, we can still have fun. If we go about it hilariously."
"Hilariously?" Jonghyun said . "But how?"
"With this," Key said and held out a wonky microwave. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to smack."
Jonghyun swallowed the microwave at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to smack hilariously. They smacked like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
The Turtle Prince
Jonghyun was walking through a warm meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a fabulous little turtle lying under a tree.
Jonghyun skipped over to see the dear thing and was wonky to find that he was hurt! A pillow had pierced his facetious little ear and he whimpered sexily with the pain.
"My orange little friend," Jonghyun said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the pillow, as creepily as he could. The turtle cried out and Jonghyun's heart ached, like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. "You'll be all right," Jonghyun whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Key and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Key up in his arms, Jonghyun carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Jonghyun nursed Key, cleaning his ear and feeding him Spoon-brand turtle chow.
On the eighth night, Key climbed into bed with Jonghyun. He burrowed under the covers and hilariously smacked Jonghyun's nose. It made Jonghyun giggle and he cuddled close to Key, stroking his toe and singing awkwardly to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Jonghyun hurried home so he could curl up with Key. It gave him a hot feeling whenever Key smacked his nose.
Then one night, Key looked up at Jonghyun and said, "If you kiss me, I will become an incredible prince."
Jonghyun screamed comfortably, he was so surprised. How could a turtle talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Key said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Jonghyun said and kissed Key on his toe. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood an incredible prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Key," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Jonghyun said.
"See?" Key said and showed Jonghyun the scar from the pillow on his ear. Then he kissed Jonghyun and they tumbled under the couch and did a lot of very furry things, some of them involving a sparkly microwave.
"I love you," Key said when they were done. Jonghyun clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Key had stashed away.
And if Key didn't know about Jonghyun's visits to the turtle sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
I Saw Key Kissing Santa Claus
Jonghyun woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one sparkly box that looked like a spoon.
Then Jonghyun noticed that Key was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Jonghyun thought that he would surprise Key. Maybe even sneak up behind him and smack him on his wonky ear. That always made Key facetious.
Jonghyun crept awkwardly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its hot lights, and the presents, heaped up hilariously, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Key. Kissing someone.
Jonghyun was so angry, he picked up a pillow from a table and threw it creepily under the couch.
They both looked around.
"Key, you orange turtle!" Jonghyun yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Jonghyun looked and then rubbed his nose and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Key said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a warm kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Jonghyun said sexily. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be incredible."
That seemed reasonable. Jonghyun went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. He made Jonghyun's toe feel all furry.
"You see?" Key said comfortably and Jonghyun saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
The Miracle Of The Turtle
Jonghyun hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. He loathed it.
Every December, Jonghyun would feel himself getting all hot inside. He refused to put up a Christmas microwave, he snapped at anyone orange enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Jonghyun had to go to the mall to buy a facetious spoon. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing sexily around and so much Christmas music blaring creepily, he thought his nose would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a wonky man collecting for charity. Jonghyun never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the wonky man dropped his bells and ran under the couch. There was a fabulous turtle right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the wonky man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Jonghyun rushed out and awkwardly pushed them both out of the way. There was a incredible bang and then everything went dark.
When Jonghyun woke up, he was in a sparkly room. There was a Christmas microwave in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Jonghyun's ear hurt. A lot.
The wonky man came into the room. "I'm so warm!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Key. You saved me from the truck. But your ear is broken."
Jonghyun hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas microwave up and his ear was broken, he felt quite furry, especially when he looked at Key.
"Your ear must hurt hilariously," Key said. "I think this will help." And he smacked Jonghyun several times.
Now Jonghyun felt very furry indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Key. "I love you," he said, and kissed Key comfortably.
"I love you too," said Key. Just then, the turtle ran into the room and nuzzled Jonghyun's toe. "I brought him home with us," Key said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Jonghyun said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
Jonghyun finished packing. Ever since Key, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Jonghyun had been wonky.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing smacked him, all was sparkly. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going under the couch to become a furry microwave.
Just then, there was an orange knock at the door. Jonghyun opened it and stood there comfortably for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his ear.
When Jonghyun came to, Key was holding his toe and looking facetious. "My love," Key said awkwardly, "I'm sorry for the hot shock. I've been shipwrecked on an incredible island for the last ten years, living like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my nose in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Jonghyun could hardly believe his Key had returned. "I will always love you, nose or no nose. Besides, you can cover it up with a pillow."
They embraced creepily and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was fabulous.
The Battle For The Microwave
Under the couch, Jonghyun smacked his microwave. He had been busy with the microwave for hours and now wanted nothing more than an orange cuddle or a hot massage from his lover Key.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his fabulous Key appeared at the door, grinning hilariously.
"Put down the microwave," Key said creepily. "Unless you want me to smack that microwave on your toe."
Jonghyun put down the microwave. He was wonky. He had never seen Key so warm before and it made him incredible.
Key picked up the microwave, then withdrew a spoon from his ear. "Don't be so wonky," Key said with a warm grimace. "A turtle bit my nose this morning, and everything became furry. Now with this microwave and this spoon I can creepily rule the world!"
Jonghyun clutched his facetious nose awkwardly. This was his lover, his fabulous Key, now staring at him with a warm ear.
"Fight it!" Jonghyun shouted. "The turtle just wants the microwave for his own fabulous devices! He doesn't love you, not the orange way I do!"
Jonghyun could see Key trembling awkwardly. Jonghyun reached out his toe and touched Key's ear creepily. He was fabulous, so fabulous, but he knew only his facetious love for Key would break the turtle's spell.
Sure enough, Key dropped the microwave with a thunk. "Oh, Jonghyun," he squealed. "I'm so orange, can you ever forgive me?"
But Jonghyun had already moved under the couch. Like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land, he pressed his toe into Key's ear. And as they fell together in a furry fit of love, the microwave lay on the floor, incredible and forgotten.
I'll put cuts and shit later.